Christmas Cactus

For some of you folks who weren’t aware, I was born and raised in rural Pennsylvania in Lancaster County — so to honor my heritage, I present to you the Christmas Cactus! When I was a wee lad, every year in December my stepfather and I would ride our horse & buggy to the vast cornfields in the desert of Bird-in-Hand to cut down the mightiest cactus to decorate with Christmas ornaments and severed heads. Often times the wild stallions, coyotes, and owls would join us in a merry chanty, as we drank grandma’s special eggnog mixed with paint thinner and bleach! Back at the Amish farm, we’d then have our Yule feast of headcheese — which is made from boiled cow’s head! I’m getting a little hungry now. . .